Sunday, March 9, 2014

Hidden Easter Eggs of The BigBrotherVladamir Show first 50 episodes: The BigBrotherVladamir Weekend Blog

It's been 50 episode of the BigBrotherVladamir Youtube show and you think you've seen it all, but there were many moments you may have missed:

#1. In the very first episode, BigBrotherVladamir mispronounces his own name as "Big BLOTHER Vladamir" as seen 3 seconds into the episode:

#2. In the well received episode entitled "One Angry Russian", BigBrotherVladamir was actually legitimately very angry and the redness of his face is not done in editing:

#3. In the episode entitled "A Message for Philip DeFranco" BigBrotherVladamir mispronounces his name as James DeFranco as seen here in the only usable take of the recorded footage:

#4. In episode 3, there is a product advert for Coors Light at the end, which displays their slogan "Taste the Silver" which was incorrectly interpreted by one of our lousy interns from the actual slogan "Taste the rainbow" or something. Anyway, here it is at #4:

#5. In Episode 5, "Movember" (one of my favorite episodes) the mustache BigBrotherVladamir is sporting is actually a fake mustache made out of paper since there was no time to grow a mustache of such ridiculous proportions in such a short period of time.

#6. Any avid watcher of the BigBrotherVladamir show will have noticed by now that in episode 11, the audio is completely gone, that is because of some asian music used for the end credits which was removed along with the rest of the audio when the squirrels are fighting. The song was credited on the video, but Youtube is jerks and BigBrotherVladamir was lazy to reupload, although this episode along with the illegally stolen song will be available on the BigBrotherVladamir DVD

#7.  The 7 unidentified objects in the original BigBrotherVladamir show set. Set decorators always have their own touch to give the scene the feel they are looking for. Here are what the 7 unidentified objects that appear in the show are:

#1. A piece of duct tape left over from the episode where BBV put up a new poster which later fell down.

#2. A 10th grade investment business project with teacher's notes that the project was well done although very unprofessional, citing specifically the use of "Elmo", "A Mexican in a sombrero" and a "kaboom with sound effects"

#3. A flyer for a window cleaning business.
#4. Middle School diploma.
#5. A Tae Kwon Do black belt certification from Korea.
#6. A spray bottle of mouthwash
#7. A participation trophy for a Tae Kwon Do tournament.

Hope you were enjoyed the insights into the world of BigBrotherVladamir. For more check out all 50 episodes again and keep tuning in every Wednesday for new episodes!

 and tweet him here:

Sunday, March 2, 2014

ICQ Still Exists! : The BigBrotherVladamir Weekend Blog

 Still Exists

Many many years ago, at the dawn of the internet, one messenger service connected teenage people around the world. The acronym "lol" was invented and used as code to confuse adults who they laughed at. Those times now far away, we see sites like MSN and fade into the ether of cyber junk yards. Yet, despite their decades without activity, one site continues to pay for server space and a domain name, that site is ICQ.

This is a mystery to unravel for any of you Harriet the Spy/ Hardy Boys wannabes out there looking to make a name for yourselves in the online sleuthing world. Why does this site still exist? Who is paying for it? Has anyone been on there in the past decade or are there only the ghosts of the chatters remaining in the servers.

I visited the now abandoned site to chat with teens, as I often do when I'm not out gardening my Kumquats only to find the place deserted. Not a teen in site (pun intended). Maybe they are awaiting the second coming of the teens in hopes that websites, like fashion trends are cyclical and will one day return to the once dominant cyber chatting site. Maybe they will finally run out of money to keep up the servers and give up on the dream. Only time will tell, but I will tell you, that if it takes another 20 years, I will have my chat with some teens.

This has been another BigBrotherVladamir blog.

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Saturday, February 22, 2014

Top 7 Girls Who Blocked Me: The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Over the years, many girls have blocked me for various reasons, mostly to do with their own personal issues. Today we will revisit some of these epic freakout blocking in:

The Top 7 Girls Who Blocked Me

Note: These are all real interactions which ended with me being blocked immediately after what was written. The identities of the girls are hidden to protect them from further harassment... from me. 

1. The "Don't Tag My pictures" girl:

Yea well, I guess tagging someone in a picture is enough of a reason for some people to block me. This one didn't seem to find it funny when I kept tagging her in stupid posts in an attempt to brighten up her sad life.

2. The "Stop Sending me Sexual Videos of Yourself" girl:

I once starred in a sexual movie back in the day as we all have. After sending her the link the video was removed from Youtube for being too sexual. She never saw the video, but after telling her this message she had heard enough and blocked me. Guess some people are just prudes.

3. The "You're a Jerk!" girl:

After putting up with my nonsense for months on end, this girl finally had the self respect to block me once I gave her the idea to stand up for herself and block me. My lesson was a simple but powerful one, and something she could not have learned without my guiding her to a better, dignified life :)

4. The "Sexy Pictures" girl:

After seeing too many sexual pictures of this girl I gave this girl the advice to stop posting such scandalous pictures on herself facebook, lest she set womankind back 50 years to times of objectification. She blindly ignored my advice and decided to continue posting the pictures of herself, so I blocked her and several other girls who posted those kind of pictures. If I want to see sexy women I'll open a magazine, or watch a movie, or look at  a billboard, or watch TV, or go on a pornographic website, there is a time and a place for sexyness, and Facebook is a peaceful place that should be free of sexual nature, so I took a stand.

5. The "Morbid Facebook Post" girl:

This girl posted some depressing post about someone who died and I made a joke about it to help lighten the mood. She wrote this back to me. I stand by whatever it was I wrote for the reason that Facebook is not a serious place to post major issues, it is a social site where nothing anyone says really matters. 

6. The "Hides Behind her Boyfriend" girl:

I had a sexual experience with this girl once and was starting things up again when out of nowhere she got "really uncomfortable" probably because her boyfriend was standing over her shoulder reading everything she says. Her weakness as a person was quickly outed as she just "couldn't" deal with it and had to call upon her boyfriend to deal with it. Come at me bro! Obviously the guy didn't do anything and cowered into a shell.

7. The "Tim Horton's Hater" girl:

This girl I had spoken to several years ago online, sexually. I decided to say hello to see how she was. She instantly was weirded out and didn't want to hear about all the fun things I had been up to. Jealousy? She told her she was tired from working 9 hours where this snippet of the conversation begins. Anyways, I was just at Tim Hortons at the time and wanted to extend to her how delightful a pretzel bagel I was enjoying and about Tim Horton's every day great deals in hopes of landing a sponsorship from them if I kept promoting their products to close friends. She was a tough sell. Then something amazing happened! I won roll up the rip for a free coffee, I extended my excitement to her and she rudely responded that she didn't care. The rest is self explanatory. 

I hope you have enjoyed this episode and that it may serve as a lesson to you, because I certainly have not learned anything from any of these blocks. Keep on trucking guys, and watch out for the 50th Episode Spectacular coming up in just 2 weeks on the BigBrotherVladamir Show!



Saturday, February 15, 2014

We've lost Contact! : The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Nowadays you can get any look you want with makeup, surgery, and photoshop. One of the many ways people now alter their looks is wearing coloured contact lenses. These lenses change the shape and colour of their pupils to make them look however they want. I take issue with this. Here's why:

First of all;  the eyes are the windows to the soul. Therefore, making your real eyes with false ones is like barricading the soul with sheets of particle board.

Secondly; its creepy. Most coloured contacts do not resemble possible human eyes and dehumanizes the person, making them out to be some sort of cat or anime character.

Lastly,its misleading. While many people are no strangers to tricking people into thinking they're good looking using makeup, when you meet someone and become attracted to them based on their eyes only to find out those weren't their real eyes, it is even more disparaging. That's like that episode of Futurama where the 400 lb chick takes a pill to appear curvy and attractive temporarily. The point is, at some point you will take off your fake eyes and will be seen for who you really are and if you fake what you really look like, whether with makeup, contacts or online with photoshop, eventually people will find out and be disappointed, and that's not what you want. This isn't Shrek, where you have to pretend to be good looking for long enough to trick someone into falling in love with you so you can marry them and then have them forever. Now i'm convinced everyone who wears colour contacts is an evil witch with that exact scheme.

Its pretty obvious things are going to continue to go downhill with the way people fake looking good, but there is something we can do, and that something is of course virtual reality. If everyone is so fake to mimic perfection, then people will flock to actual perfection, perfection of the mind. Customized avatars that are perfect looking to each person's taste will substitute the desperately imperfect humans here on earth. Once our consciousness is melded with the virtual world, there will be no difference between reality and virtual reality, all The Matrix.

and that's why colour contacts are bad.

This has been another BigBrotherVladamir Saturday blog! For more BigBrotherVladamir, check out his Youtube Channel here:

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Saturday, February 8, 2014

5 Great Impressions of Celebrities: The BBV Saturday Blog!

5 Great Celebrity Impressions from BigBrotherVladamir.

I know how you all love my celebrity impressions and love the irony of a celebrity impersonating another celebrity. So I present to you the top 5 impressions of celebrities:

 This first one is of course Jack Nicholson and if you think this doesn't look like him, you'll hate the other 4.

Here we have Joaquin Pheonix.

You guessed it, thats Miachael Cera.

Another famous Michael, Michael Shannon.

and lastly, this I don't know who it is, but I'm sure I've seen this face somewhere before.

This has been an especially lazy installation of the BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog. For feedback send to my Twitter:

and check out my show, every Wednesday on youtube, that's right! It's not cancelled yet!

Thanks for tuning in! 

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Superbowl Sunday: The BigBrotherVladamir Blog

Everyone knows today is the Superbowl, but many don't know the significance of the event. In this very special BBVB, we will discuss sed significance.

The Superbowl is a time of joy and merriment for Billions around the world as they sit down and devour over 11 Million pizzas today alone, and that's just from Dominos Pizza, one of the worst pizza places, so you can assume there are at least 20 Billion pizzas eaten total on Superbowl Sunday, very few of which are eaten by impoverished countries who continue to starve to death throughout the year. Its a real issue, open your eyes.

Pizza has always been the driving force behind the big game and is the main driving force motivating each team to win. Throughout the years, Superbowl coaches have promised their teams if they won the big game, they would go out for pizza and to this day, the Superbowl remains the most competitive game of any sport. Football players, you see must maintain a very strict eating regimen as per their contracts, but one exception exists in the event that they win the Superbowl they are each allowed 4 slices or 6 square slices of pizza after the game. You can feel the joy of the winning team feeling the glory of being able to devour those empty carbs and fatty cheese once the final seconds count down and empathise with the despair of the losing team who must eat their mung beans and long grain wild rice.

Not much is known about the winning players selection of pizza, but we can assume Peyton Manning will chose Papa John's and Russell Wilson will chose Mama's Pizza, just to be different than Peyton. While we all enjoy a good slice of pizza, for some it is worth sustaining lifelong injuries, only to be yelled at by Billions of fans to "shake it off pussy".

Happy Superbowl and may the hungriest team win ;)

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Saturday, January 25, 2014

Send in the clones: The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Ever since that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie about the clones, it has been a hot issue; cloning. While some agree that cloning is the devil, other beleive it can provide an effective source of replacement organs for athletes and billionaires who can afford it.

Like it or not, cloning is quickly becoming a quick fix; when you want a perfect athlete, you just clone your best player, when you need an organ transplant you clone yourself and harvest the clones organs, when you don't feel like going in to work you send your clone. It has become a huge disruption to the workforce and in the personal lives of many. The confusion between identical twins and illegal clones has also produced an avalanche of lawsuits that are tying up the already overcrowded court system.

The solution? Believe it or not, more cloning. If one judge can handle 15 cases a day, then 150 clone judges can handle some number equal to the solution to 15x150 cases a day. It is an ironic victory, but a victory nonetheless for anti-cloning. In a world where decisions are made by the few for the many, why not even the playing field make making the few into many and suffering along with the rest of us? and if that doesn't make sense to you, then you just don't understand the complexities of cloning.

To learn more about the science of cloning, please watch this video:

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Saturday, January 18, 2014

Shopping : The BigBrotherVladamir Blog

Afternoon Vladamirians! Today we're tqlking about shopping; America's passtime.

If you are one of the millions of Americans who shops, you are stupid.

Shopping was invented by capitalist society to make a few people very rich and everyone else, poor. Knowing this, people still flock to shopping centers and strip malls to spend money on things that don't make them any happier.

Its interesting psychology to see how advertising makes people think they will gain some happiness from a new purchase but in reality it has zero effect on happiness. In fact many of the richest people are the most depressed. So what is this capitalist consumerism really good for? The consumers think they'll be happy buying things and arent and the company owners think having billions will make them happy and it doesn't. Best we all return to tried and true communism, where people are treated equally, are not enslaved consumers and find peace and happiness in working together for a better society. Look at Cuba, everyone's happy in Cuba and there is no drug use there. In the US, drug use is rampant since everyone is depressed and seeking escape from reality.

All that being said,  vote communist.

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Saturday, January 11, 2014

Top 5 Most Useless TV Show Characters: The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Hey! This blog is late because of Football, but you're up anyway now so still counts as Saturday.

ANYWAYS, here are the top 5 most useless TV show characters.

1&2. Scooby Doo and Shaggy: Scooby Doo

Scooby Doo is 1/5th of a mystery solving team, he does the part where he eats snacks with his equally useless buddy Shaggy and try not to inconvenience the rest of the team by breaking shit and costing extra gas money with their dead weight. With no marketable skills, these two were included as part of a detective team in accordance affirmative action, Scooby being a dog and Shaggy being "special".

3. Pinky: Pinky and The Brain

Pinky is a dimwitted mouse, ironically paired up with a genius mouse in the hopes of taking over the world. In many episodes he attempts to assist his partner with his world domination plans but always succumbs to his own mindless self indulgence. More ironic still, The Brain having been thwarted on every occasion by Pinky's incompetence at every task he is given still doesn't see the obvious solution in snapping Pinky's neck and taking over the world uncontested.

4. Gilligan: Gilligan's Island
The boat crashed on an island and they name it after the dim witted boob who does nothing to help them get off the island. In this series the 7 of them get stuck on an island and make an attempt to escape. In each of their 98 attempts over 3 years, none has succeeded due entirely to Gilligan who appropriately "Gilligans" it up every time. Under the watchful supervision of a sea skipper, millionaire, professor and 3 resourceful women, Gilligan fouls every well planned attempt the others make. Their unfounded encouragement of his involvement is always baffling.

5.  Princess Peach: Super Mario Bros. 

Now we all know princesses are inherently useless, but this one exists only to become captured and need saving. In addition to having no responsibility within the monarchy, Princess Peach captured in dark caves by the same turtle time and time again needing to be rescued by hardworking Italian plumbers who have to turn down paid work to save her. Once she is saved she goes back to doing nothing and waits for the turtle to come and kidnap her again. I couldn't think of a more useless person.

This has been the undisputed 5 most useless TV show characters. 
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Saturday, January 4, 2014

Top 5 things to do when its -23°C . The BigBrotherVladamir Blog

Its winter and you're freezing your balls off. Here are some fun activities to do when its -23°C:

1. Make ice cubes.
Grab your ice cube tray and some water and you've got fresh cubes every 5 minutes! Stock up for your Bourbon and Coke! Play pranks by putting them down your friends shirt. Great fun.

2. Get gaming.
Computers run faster in cold temperates. Open up your windows and start up your Windows for some gaming. You'll be pwning n00bs in no time this winter thanks to the cold frost.

3. Turn boiling water into snow.
Boil some water and toss it outside to magically turn it into snow. Fun.

4. Stick your tongue to a pole.
Be like that kid from A Christmas Story by experiencing the magic of having your tongue stuck to a flagpole. The attention you'll get from police and fire fighters is itself reason enough to give this a try this winter.

5. Make your own frozen bananas.
Put some bananas outside and they'll get frozen. I dunno, 5 is a lot of things to think of.

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