Saturday, January 25, 2014

Send in the clones: The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Ever since that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie about the clones, it has been a hot issue; cloning. While some agree that cloning is the devil, other beleive it can provide an effective source of replacement organs for athletes and billionaires who can afford it.

Like it or not, cloning is quickly becoming a quick fix; when you want a perfect athlete, you just clone your best player, when you need an organ transplant you clone yourself and harvest the clones organs, when you don't feel like going in to work you send your clone. It has become a huge disruption to the workforce and in the personal lives of many. The confusion between identical twins and illegal clones has also produced an avalanche of lawsuits that are tying up the already overcrowded court system.

The solution? Believe it or not, more cloning. If one judge can handle 15 cases a day, then 150 clone judges can handle some number equal to the solution to 15x150 cases a day. It is an ironic victory, but a victory nonetheless for anti-cloning. In a world where decisions are made by the few for the many, why not even the playing field make making the few into many and suffering along with the rest of us? and if that doesn't make sense to you, then you just don't understand the complexities of cloning.

To learn more about the science of cloning, please watch this video:

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Saturday, January 18, 2014

Shopping : The BigBrotherVladamir Blog

Afternoon Vladamirians! Today we're tqlking about shopping; America's passtime.

If you are one of the millions of Americans who shops, you are stupid.

Shopping was invented by capitalist society to make a few people very rich and everyone else, poor. Knowing this, people still flock to shopping centers and strip malls to spend money on things that don't make them any happier.

Its interesting psychology to see how advertising makes people think they will gain some happiness from a new purchase but in reality it has zero effect on happiness. In fact many of the richest people are the most depressed. So what is this capitalist consumerism really good for? The consumers think they'll be happy buying things and arent and the company owners think having billions will make them happy and it doesn't. Best we all return to tried and true communism, where people are treated equally, are not enslaved consumers and find peace and happiness in working together for a better society. Look at Cuba, everyone's happy in Cuba and there is no drug use there. In the US, drug use is rampant since everyone is depressed and seeking escape from reality.

All that being said,  vote communist.

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Saturday, January 11, 2014

Top 5 Most Useless TV Show Characters: The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Hey! This blog is late because of Football, but you're up anyway now so still counts as Saturday.

ANYWAYS, here are the top 5 most useless TV show characters.

1&2. Scooby Doo and Shaggy: Scooby Doo

Scooby Doo is 1/5th of a mystery solving team, he does the part where he eats snacks with his equally useless buddy Shaggy and try not to inconvenience the rest of the team by breaking shit and costing extra gas money with their dead weight. With no marketable skills, these two were included as part of a detective team in accordance affirmative action, Scooby being a dog and Shaggy being "special".

3. Pinky: Pinky and The Brain

Pinky is a dimwitted mouse, ironically paired up with a genius mouse in the hopes of taking over the world. In many episodes he attempts to assist his partner with his world domination plans but always succumbs to his own mindless self indulgence. More ironic still, The Brain having been thwarted on every occasion by Pinky's incompetence at every task he is given still doesn't see the obvious solution in snapping Pinky's neck and taking over the world uncontested.

4. Gilligan: Gilligan's Island
The boat crashed on an island and they name it after the dim witted boob who does nothing to help them get off the island. In this series the 7 of them get stuck on an island and make an attempt to escape. In each of their 98 attempts over 3 years, none has succeeded due entirely to Gilligan who appropriately "Gilligans" it up every time. Under the watchful supervision of a sea skipper, millionaire, professor and 3 resourceful women, Gilligan fouls every well planned attempt the others make. Their unfounded encouragement of his involvement is always baffling.

5.  Princess Peach: Super Mario Bros. 

Now we all know princesses are inherently useless, but this one exists only to become captured and need saving. In addition to having no responsibility within the monarchy, Princess Peach captured in dark caves by the same turtle time and time again needing to be rescued by hardworking Italian plumbers who have to turn down paid work to save her. Once she is saved she goes back to doing nothing and waits for the turtle to come and kidnap her again. I couldn't think of a more useless person.

This has been the undisputed 5 most useless TV show characters. 
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Saturday, January 4, 2014

Top 5 things to do when its -23°C . The BigBrotherVladamir Blog

Its winter and you're freezing your balls off. Here are some fun activities to do when its -23°C:

1. Make ice cubes.
Grab your ice cube tray and some water and you've got fresh cubes every 5 minutes! Stock up for your Bourbon and Coke! Play pranks by putting them down your friends shirt. Great fun.

2. Get gaming.
Computers run faster in cold temperates. Open up your windows and start up your Windows for some gaming. You'll be pwning n00bs in no time this winter thanks to the cold frost.

3. Turn boiling water into snow.
Boil some water and toss it outside to magically turn it into snow. Fun.

4. Stick your tongue to a pole.
Be like that kid from A Christmas Story by experiencing the magic of having your tongue stuck to a flagpole. The attention you'll get from police and fire fighters is itself reason enough to give this a try this winter.

5. Make your own frozen bananas.
Put some bananas outside and they'll get frozen. I dunno, 5 is a lot of things to think of.

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