Saturday, February 22, 2014

Top 7 Girls Who Blocked Me: The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Over the years, many girls have blocked me for various reasons, mostly to do with their own personal issues. Today we will revisit some of these epic freakout blocking in:

The Top 7 Girls Who Blocked Me

Note: These are all real interactions which ended with me being blocked immediately after what was written. The identities of the girls are hidden to protect them from further harassment... from me. 

1. The "Don't Tag My pictures" girl:

Yea well, I guess tagging someone in a picture is enough of a reason for some people to block me. This one didn't seem to find it funny when I kept tagging her in stupid posts in an attempt to brighten up her sad life.

2. The "Stop Sending me Sexual Videos of Yourself" girl:

I once starred in a sexual movie back in the day as we all have. After sending her the link the video was removed from Youtube for being too sexual. She never saw the video, but after telling her this message she had heard enough and blocked me. Guess some people are just prudes.

3. The "You're a Jerk!" girl:

After putting up with my nonsense for months on end, this girl finally had the self respect to block me once I gave her the idea to stand up for herself and block me. My lesson was a simple but powerful one, and something she could not have learned without my guiding her to a better, dignified life :)

4. The "Sexy Pictures" girl:

After seeing too many sexual pictures of this girl I gave this girl the advice to stop posting such scandalous pictures on herself facebook, lest she set womankind back 50 years to times of objectification. She blindly ignored my advice and decided to continue posting the pictures of herself, so I blocked her and several other girls who posted those kind of pictures. If I want to see sexy women I'll open a magazine, or watch a movie, or look at  a billboard, or watch TV, or go on a pornographic website, there is a time and a place for sexyness, and Facebook is a peaceful place that should be free of sexual nature, so I took a stand.

5. The "Morbid Facebook Post" girl:

This girl posted some depressing post about someone who died and I made a joke about it to help lighten the mood. She wrote this back to me. I stand by whatever it was I wrote for the reason that Facebook is not a serious place to post major issues, it is a social site where nothing anyone says really matters. 

6. The "Hides Behind her Boyfriend" girl:

I had a sexual experience with this girl once and was starting things up again when out of nowhere she got "really uncomfortable" probably because her boyfriend was standing over her shoulder reading everything she says. Her weakness as a person was quickly outed as she just "couldn't" deal with it and had to call upon her boyfriend to deal with it. Come at me bro! Obviously the guy didn't do anything and cowered into a shell.

7. The "Tim Horton's Hater" girl:

This girl I had spoken to several years ago online, sexually. I decided to say hello to see how she was. She instantly was weirded out and didn't want to hear about all the fun things I had been up to. Jealousy? She told her she was tired from working 9 hours where this snippet of the conversation begins. Anyways, I was just at Tim Hortons at the time and wanted to extend to her how delightful a pretzel bagel I was enjoying and about Tim Horton's every day great deals in hopes of landing a sponsorship from them if I kept promoting their products to close friends. She was a tough sell. Then something amazing happened! I won roll up the rip for a free coffee, I extended my excitement to her and she rudely responded that she didn't care. The rest is self explanatory. 

I hope you have enjoyed this episode and that it may serve as a lesson to you, because I certainly have not learned anything from any of these blocks. Keep on trucking guys, and watch out for the 50th Episode Spectacular coming up in just 2 weeks on the BigBrotherVladamir Show!



Saturday, February 15, 2014

We've lost Contact! : The BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog

Nowadays you can get any look you want with makeup, surgery, and photoshop. One of the many ways people now alter their looks is wearing coloured contact lenses. These lenses change the shape and colour of their pupils to make them look however they want. I take issue with this. Here's why:

First of all;  the eyes are the windows to the soul. Therefore, making your real eyes with false ones is like barricading the soul with sheets of particle board.

Secondly; its creepy. Most coloured contacts do not resemble possible human eyes and dehumanizes the person, making them out to be some sort of cat or anime character.

Lastly,its misleading. While many people are no strangers to tricking people into thinking they're good looking using makeup, when you meet someone and become attracted to them based on their eyes only to find out those weren't their real eyes, it is even more disparaging. That's like that episode of Futurama where the 400 lb chick takes a pill to appear curvy and attractive temporarily. The point is, at some point you will take off your fake eyes and will be seen for who you really are and if you fake what you really look like, whether with makeup, contacts or online with photoshop, eventually people will find out and be disappointed, and that's not what you want. This isn't Shrek, where you have to pretend to be good looking for long enough to trick someone into falling in love with you so you can marry them and then have them forever. Now i'm convinced everyone who wears colour contacts is an evil witch with that exact scheme.

Its pretty obvious things are going to continue to go downhill with the way people fake looking good, but there is something we can do, and that something is of course virtual reality. If everyone is so fake to mimic perfection, then people will flock to actual perfection, perfection of the mind. Customized avatars that are perfect looking to each person's taste will substitute the desperately imperfect humans here on earth. Once our consciousness is melded with the virtual world, there will be no difference between reality and virtual reality, all The Matrix.

and that's why colour contacts are bad.

This has been another BigBrotherVladamir Saturday blog! For more BigBrotherVladamir, check out his Youtube Channel here:

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Saturday, February 8, 2014

5 Great Impressions of Celebrities: The BBV Saturday Blog!

5 Great Celebrity Impressions from BigBrotherVladamir.

I know how you all love my celebrity impressions and love the irony of a celebrity impersonating another celebrity. So I present to you the top 5 impressions of celebrities:

 This first one is of course Jack Nicholson and if you think this doesn't look like him, you'll hate the other 4.

Here we have Joaquin Pheonix.

You guessed it, thats Miachael Cera.

Another famous Michael, Michael Shannon.

and lastly, this I don't know who it is, but I'm sure I've seen this face somewhere before.

This has been an especially lazy installation of the BigBrotherVladamir Saturday Blog. For feedback send to my Twitter:

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Sunday, February 2, 2014

Superbowl Sunday: The BigBrotherVladamir Blog

Everyone knows today is the Superbowl, but many don't know the significance of the event. In this very special BBVB, we will discuss sed significance.

The Superbowl is a time of joy and merriment for Billions around the world as they sit down and devour over 11 Million pizzas today alone, and that's just from Dominos Pizza, one of the worst pizza places, so you can assume there are at least 20 Billion pizzas eaten total on Superbowl Sunday, very few of which are eaten by impoverished countries who continue to starve to death throughout the year. Its a real issue, open your eyes.

Pizza has always been the driving force behind the big game and is the main driving force motivating each team to win. Throughout the years, Superbowl coaches have promised their teams if they won the big game, they would go out for pizza and to this day, the Superbowl remains the most competitive game of any sport. Football players, you see must maintain a very strict eating regimen as per their contracts, but one exception exists in the event that they win the Superbowl they are each allowed 4 slices or 6 square slices of pizza after the game. You can feel the joy of the winning team feeling the glory of being able to devour those empty carbs and fatty cheese once the final seconds count down and empathise with the despair of the losing team who must eat their mung beans and long grain wild rice.

Not much is known about the winning players selection of pizza, but we can assume Peyton Manning will chose Papa John's and Russell Wilson will chose Mama's Pizza, just to be different than Peyton. While we all enjoy a good slice of pizza, for some it is worth sustaining lifelong injuries, only to be yelled at by Billions of fans to "shake it off pussy".

Happy Superbowl and may the hungriest team win ;)

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