Saturday, December 7, 2013

L.A. without cocaine. A life with no snow.

As my more devout followers already know, I have been living in L.A. for the past month to escape the tundra and yetis of Canada for until they kick me out of the country. After smuggling my 4 duffle bags of maple syrup and making a cool profit,  I quickly became bored of L.A. Unlike most celebrities here, I do not snort cocaine which makes me an outcast here. Despite the health benefits of the drug, I decided it best to stick to more controlled substances like alcohol and Elmers school glue.

As the parties winded on,  I tried to hide my sobriety from the others by cleverly using a pair of sunglasses to hide my un-dialated eyes; a trick I just made up and am sure will catch on very soon. 

Another difference between here and Canada is that the people are a lot more 'Rapey', for example: Someone who usually gets raped once or twice a year in Canada could expect to get raped 3-4 times in Los Angeles in the same year, this is largely due to the high number of ugly sex deprived men and low number of available pepper spray canisters. I myself had a few brushes with rapists, so just to be safe, I always sport my "I Have AIDS" t-shirt to ward off any would be rapists. The shirt has already paid for itself! 

I'm out of words to say so here are some self-explanatory pictures from my trip: 

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